How "Trash" Gave Me Mental Freedom.
Emotional baggage took physical form and I lugged it from one location to the next. For years I carried, moved, and transported physical baggage, that held emotional value. It was good, bad, ugly, and even terrifying what I was pulling from pillar to post.
During this COVID-19 Pandemic, I like many have been laid-off and forced to come to grips with the ever-changing world around us. In short, one day I had hella time on my hands, the house couldn’t be any cleaner and the kiddos were content with the hubby. I walked in my closet and thought look at all this “You may need it again one day” paperwork, bags, and stacks of paper that at one point held some type of value, but now it had to be dealt with.
For years upon years, I forced my family, with every move to carry my physical and emotional baggage. Piles of papers that I had refused for one reason or another to part ways with, I justified the hoarding by saying “we may need that one day” or “Let me just hold on to that a little bit longer”. Truth be told I was afraid to let go, afraid that a piece of paper held more value than my own mental well-being, what was so important that it filled nearly two trash bags?
It started simple with orientation from old employers, and those cool little certificates you get after completing company specific training’s. Why I kept them? I have really no clue, I’m sure I told myself “I can take this somewhere else” ….. Girl NO you can’t! Fond memories returned, but also the reasoning for the moving on was much clearer. Backward policies and horrendous traditions were nothing to hold on to.
As I continued to pick through the wreckage, I happened upon old cards, notes, and pictures from ex friends, and even lovers. How the hell didn’t I let this go? Why was I holding on to dead feelings and old pains? Why did I torture myself this way? Simply put, letting these items go for me, was almost like admitting that part of me never existed. I didn’t want any physical piece of my journey to disappear. If I threw this “piece of paper” away, it would mean that part of my life never happened right? Wrong! That part of journey was real and life changing, no matter how great or small the impact.
Memories came rushing back, but they weren’t all good. In fact, they all pretty disappointing. So, I got the shredder from under the desk, sat on the floor, and started turning that hell of a past into dust. From the receipt of my very first car purchase, that at this point had been totaled for 5 years, to the notes from old flames, all dust. I decided if it wasn’t relevant to my present or future, it had to be destroyed, no questions asked just destroyed.
I held my breath as I removed those items from my world, scared that I would miss something or somehow devalue myself. But it was very much the contrary, it was freeing, almost like coming up for breath after a long swim across a pool. I no longer have to sift through mountains of papers to find what should be readily available. My family no longer must physically carry my baggage on their backs. The freedom I felt tossing those bags over to the compacter was incomparable.
By the time I’d finished, I had what you see below, two full trash bags of shreds. A shredded colorful, weary, and painful past. If you’ve got any small piece of anything that makes you feel low or weighed down get rid of it, make it a distant memory. Holding on to the physical piece doesn’t make it any more real, I’ve learned it only makes it heavier.
