When we hear the term “self-care” what images run through your mind? For some, it’s a relaxing trip to the nail salon. Nail techs massaging hands, rubbing feet, and the chair delivering a bumpy message, but hey, a massage is a massage. For others it’s a trip to Target, a stop at Starbucks, I mean cause the Caramel Macchiato, with almond milk, is everything! Self-care can be implemented in so many ways. Usually, for most, it’s physical. I enjoy the physical parts of self-care, the shopping, the hair appointments, the new skincare order that’s been delivered, or the trip to the spa. However, I think we sometimes miss that self-care is also taking care of our mental health, emotional health, overall health, and basic financial health.
The Self-care component that has given me the most peace the past few years has been my financials. Now I’m just talking basics, I won’t get too deep here. All forms of self-care are just as important as the next, so in no way am I taking away from that. But, for me, I had to take control of my financial health. I quickly realized the peace I was losing, having to decline collection calls. I once had trouble understanding the value of paying attention to what’s in your account and accounting for every transaction. The older I got, the more I began to see that having good credit, and credit history can open up doors to receive a yes when I previously received a no!
financial Literacy and what that means for your way of life was never really discussed in my home, I didn’t know much about credit, only that the credit score was KING. But I didn’t know how to obtain and build the magic numbers. I was a young mother and wife, and during my first marriage, I had a stable income, I needed to make what little income we had work. If that meant the bill for a trip to the ER that one time, that turned out to be Strep Throat went unpaid, well that’s what had to happen. If I had overdrawn my account and basically couldn’t afford to get it out the negative, well just go get another account at another bank, right? Nah, not so fast. My ignorance of what these actions meant for my financial health would carry on for years. For years I lived paycheck to paycheck, I was usually the person calling the electrical company to make “arrangements”, my car insurance lapsed more times than I could count. I was a financial wreck, but we had a roof over our heads, pretty reliable transportation, and food, it was always what we wanted or needed but we had it.
After years of struggling to make ends meet, separation and soon divorce dissolved my first marriage. The struggle only became more real due to the emotional toll of that relationship, I and my boys were left mentally and emotionally broken. This only intensified the financial instability. Fast forward to more struggling, and meeting my now-husband, who much the opposite of myself was very financially disciplined. He had great savings, a higher-than-average credit score, and a retirement account. I had none of that, to say I felt financially inferior was an understatement. I hated when we had to talk about finances, the emotional toll of basically talking about how broke I had been, well it was shitty. To know that I was a grown-ass woman with so little financial education was embarrassing. To know I was in over my head was embarrassing. Talking about money gave me so much anxiety and often was the source of arguments. Of all things I had control of in my life, I lost control of my finances. At that point, there wasn’t much I could financially bring to the table.
So, I took back control. Around 2015 I had begun to advance in my career, the paychecks were better, so I said fuck it! I pulled up my credit report and my goodness I had some work to do and began calling the companies I had spent years avoiding. I had to humble myself, GIRL how did you let this happen? Why didn’t you educate yourself? WHY WHY WHY? I started small and worked my way up to the highest. I was not in a position to use a credit repair company I worked out payment plans and even cut some of those bills by 40%-60% if I could pay to discounted rate upfront. I was getting those “final payment completed” letters in the mail, and it was particularly freeing. The collections went down, the credit score went up.
These changes didn’t happen overnight, it took patience and time. But after that time and patience, the time finally came, for the first time in my adult life, I was approved for a credit card. Like a real credit card. I didn’t have to go the secured route; I could never afford to secure it in the past anyway. I remember the first time applying for credit after working so hard for at least 18 months, to repair my credit. I was approved instantly, no waiting for a decision in the mail, like I got instant approval. The confidence I gained in my financial future was beyond what I expected it to be. The house, the house I used to dream about owning, was real, never thought I could be sitting at a closing table. I recently went to buy a car, and even sitting there I was shaking because I used to sit in places like that and either heard no, or the interest rate was astronomical, but not this time. This time was different.
Just like all forms of self-care, financial health requires maintenance. Not living beyond my means, just because I have a $9000.00 credit limit on a credit card doesn’t mean use it, someone’s gotta pay it back. I check my credit report, make sure all items are accurate, I was able to join an “ID Theft Protection” service, these can be lifesavers in regards to ID theft. Being able to gain control of my finances, was and has continued to be one of my favorite forms of self-care. Being debt-free meant I was able to sleep better, knowing I didn’t owe anyone a dime. Knowing I could manage my finances made my life a little easier. I’m no longer afraid to have the ‘talk” with my husband, I am now more confident in what I can financially bring to our table.
******DISCLAIMER****** Please note that these are steps that worked for me, in no way am I offering financial or credit services. Please consult a professional if you are looking to improve your financial situation.
